“Limbo” by Hannah Watanabe
Growing up in Japan where society treats you nothing more than a worker, all I ever wanted to do is to leave and be free. Education in Japan is quite different and I remember learning nothing, but the fact that I wasn't suited for this world. I was taught to hide in the crowd and blend in and dare I stand out. I didn't have a problem with being different than everyone else in Japan but it definitely didn't make my life easy. I wanted to be my own person and express myself however I wanted, but unfortunately this was highly looked down upon and discouraged in Japan. With this background, leaving Japan was a dream I held for 15 years. When it finally happened I felt liberated but I began to long for a new life and change again short after and I left to Ottawa for Carleton University for a program I wasn't sure of. Compared to high school, the large classes made me feel invisible and felt as if I was back in Japan again. Ottawa made me feel miserable but I didn't want to go back to Toronto either. I would go back and forth and leave and run away as soon as some inconvenience occurred. For the longest time, I was convinced I would go to Australia as soon as I graduated University.
After three and a half years of being in Ottawa, I've met many friends that I grew to love and appreciate. I've also adopted a cat. After struggling to relearn how to study in University, I grew to love it again as I used to.
I've lost myself several times in Ottawa, and confused of where to head next. Doing this project made me realize that I was always concerned with "so what's next" and I had never lived in the present. We always look in the past or the future and never now. When I look at the present, I've come quite a long way from living in Japan wanting to be the exact person I dreamt of being. The 13 year old Hannah who didn't even know how to spell ORANGE is now in fourth year University in Communications with friends who care and love me. I'm exactly where I wished to be growing up and I've stopped running my endless marathon.
